Scarlett Johansson’s boobs to save Reebok.

When was the last time you bought anything Reebok? I’m guessing fourth grade, and it had a Pump. It’s no secret that Reebok has been struggling for more than a decade, the reasons of which are now clear to me after reading about their latest move. Gwen Stefani having her own line of clothes I get. She has style. Missy Elliott and adidas I get. She, too, has style.  But Scarlett Johansson? I can’t remember the last time I heard somenone say, “I wanna dress like Scarlett Johansson.” Probably because no one ever has. Correct me if I’m wrong but last I checked, she wasn’t a fashion icon. Is Reebok banking on women buying their shit just because Scarlett Johansson’s name is on it? I imagine Nike executives are cashing out their stock options and on the phone with retirement advisors at this very moment.

But don’t get me wrong now. I love Scarlett. I love Scarlett for a pair of reasons. The same pair of reasons for which Reebok president Paul Harrington seem to love her. In defense of this confusing move by his company, he had this to say:

Scarlett embodies the pulse points of our brand – individuality, authenticity and a life lived to the full.

Now, I’m not claiming to be the expert on press conference etiquette, but I’m pretty sure it’s inappropriate to talk about people’s breasts at them. Even someone of Moye’s level of intelligence could’ve figured out what ol’ Pauly Boy was really saying. Look at his choice of words. Embodies. Authenticity. Full. Who’s he trying to fool?