What not to do when trying to kill your parents
January 30, 2008One of our top posts here at Chopstix is How To Kill Your Parents, which is really disturbing because people find it when they google “how to kill your parents” as if they’re seriously trying to figure out how to kill your parents.
(Note to self: How many times can I fit in the phrase “how to kill your parents” in one entry?)
I’m sure these highly disturbed people realize that our original post really didn’t offer any sort of helpful advice on how to kill your parents, but fortunately for them, I’m here to actually provide some.
Rule #1 in How To Kill Your Parents:
- Do not videotape yourself talking about how you’re going to kill your parents, and then film yourself attempting to. And then when that attempt fails, don’t say that “the voices made you do it” because c’mon now, that’s just lame. Your video just proved that you weren’t talking to the voices in your head, especially when you state on camera, “”I made this film so that no-one could say it was only manslaughter, or self defence or anything else. I want full credit for this. I murdered them.”
I’m really curious, though, about this video. I mean, apparently the video goes from her confession and then cuts to the family’s dining room where you can see her trying to strangle her mother. Like, how did she figure out the perfect location to place the video camera? Did she rehearse this before? Did she edit this together? Plus, how embarrassing is it to film yourself FAILING at something?
Not that unsuccessfully murdering someone is considered failure, but people really shouldn’t go around stating they’re going to do something on camera, and then film themselves not being able to do it.
It’s like that Billy Mitchell guy from The King of Kong documentary, boasting on camera about how he’s the shit when it comes to the highest score in Donkey Kong, but then he doesn’t even have the balls to show up and beat Steve Wiebe in person. What a loser. I’m team Wiebe all the way!
I like how I can segue from talking about murdering your parents to Donkey Kong.
That stinks, I thought there would be real footage in that link.
Go team Wiebe.
I bet it’s up on youtube.
I LOVE DICK AND THATS HOW I AM GOING TO KILL MY PARENTS!!!!!!
This does not tell me how to do a double murder on my parents-what does? p.s. i would never video tape it ……EVER!! thats just stupid
ok I’ll tell you how to kill someone and get away with it take a gun and shoot both your parents in the head fill your bath tub with boiling water remove all the clothes off your parents and throw them in the tub while they boil bleach there clothes and the floor of all blood make sure there are no bullet holes in the walls if there are remove the bullet with pliers (ps. You should be wearing simple non powdered rubber gloves threw the entire process) return to the tub where a large amount of flesh should have fallen off remove the remaining skin and organs then take the skull hands and feet remove all the teeth with pliers one by one and crush them with a hammer once you are sure all of the teeth are gone then crush the skull so the bullet holes are gone then take the skellitons and ditch them atleast a few miles away take the organs and remaining flesh and burn them with the clothes you were wearing up to this piont once again not neer the house (always carry the flesh in trash bags so there is no residue in your car) report your parents missing amediatly as long as you got no bleach on you or left bone fragments in your house they will not be able to match the skeletons to your parents
What’s weird is that this person spelled skeletons correctly once and spelled it “skellitons” earlier in the comment. How is that possible.
I like lauras idea
The best way would be to give them a glass of water, put an over-dose amount of GHB, then while they’re unconscious, put them both in a coffin, then bury it deep in the ground. Make sure it is deep enough that no one will find it. Then bury them up, then put flower seeds in the soil where they were buried, then when the flowers are completely grown, call the police and say your parents are missing.
Omfgg this is soo weird okay u guys are wired mmmm… but I like the flesh one
But to realii kill ur parents okay knoke them out with a cro bar and makes sure there are bascicly dead lol make sure no one sees u do dis DUHH! Then put them in a car on the high way absolty drench them in achol and put a cople off bottles in the car noww drive them down and over a cliff and then wen u get home call the copes and repost missin parenttt
Hahahahha I winn bet datlol
just poison them
umm…no you all have it wrong…
you have to chop the body up into small pieces and boil the marks off the body so csi cant track the prints from the killer. then you have to eat all the pieces of the body just for the pleasure of it. and if you’re like me you might want to drain the blood from the body first and drink it all or put it on the walls making the picture of a satanic pentagram just to creep people out.
ps: im going to kill all of you
LOL. ur going to kill all of us!!? not if i come and torch ur house and rape ur parents first!!!!!
lol ur going to kill us all!!? not if i torch ur house and rape your parents first!!
[...] What Not To Do When Trying To Kill Your Parents: And this one, too. I DON’T CARE. What is up with all the mom and dad killing? The last thing I want to see in my email inbox are more threats directed at your parents. [...]